Bullying Is Not a Personality Trait. It Is Learned Behavior.

Why do we always question the victim, and not the person who bullies?

When a work environment is toxic, the first advice is almost always the same:
“Leave.”
“Protect yourself.”
“What did you do to cause this?”

These statements sound like care.
But in reality, they are an escape from responsibility.

Rarely do I hear the other question.
And it is the more important one:

Why does bullying happen?
Where did this person learn it?
Who showed them that it works?

Bullying is not “bad character.” It is learned behavior.

Psychology is clear on this.
Bullying is not a personality trait, but a behavioral pattern shaped and reinforced by the environment.

Research in organizational psychology and social learning theory shows that people repeat behaviors that:

• produce results

• carry no consequences

• are tolerated or rewarded

Bullying is not:

• a “strong personality”

• temperament

• a tough but effective leadership style

It is adaptation to culture.

It is learned in environments where:

• aggression delivers results

• mockery is labeled “humor”

• fear is mistaken for respect

• silence is rewarded

• leadership looks the other way

People do not enter organizations as bullies.
They become bullies when they learn that the behavior is allowed.
That there are no consequences.
That sometimes it even comes with rewards.

Why do we ask the victim, “What did you do?”

When we ask the victim what they did, we are actually saying:

“The system will not change. You must adapt.”

This is convenient.
For the organization.
For leadership.
For bystanders.

In psychology, this is known as responsibility displacement:
a systemic problem is assigned to an individual, rather than addressed at its source.

But it is not true.
And it is not fair.

The real questions we avoid

The real work begins when we ask:

• Why was this behavior possible?

• Who saw it and did nothing?

• What kind of culture trains people to harm others in order to survive?

As long as we teach victims how to escape,
instead of teaching systems how to stop abuse,
bullying will not disappear.

It will continue:
quietly.
systemically.
legally.

And every new “leaver” will be framed as a personal failure,
rather than a symptom of a sick organizational culture.

What we actually do today

We teach people how to recover after bullying.
But we do not teach those who bully how to stop.

We invest in:

• resilience programs

• coaching for “victims”

• recovery, therapy, adaptation

And we almost never invest in:

• stopping abusive behavior

• working with those who harm others

• building cultures that clearly state: “This is not acceptable.”

As a result, responsibility quietly shifts.

The message becomes clear:
Fix yourself. The system will remain untouched.

The truth, without filters

Bullying does not exist because people are insufficiently resilient.
It exists because it is learned, tolerated, and often rewarded.

As long as we treat the consequences
instead of stopping the cause,
we do not solve the problem.

We prolong it.

Where real change begins

Real change begins when we reverse the question:

Who trained this behavior,
and why are we still allowing it?

That is where accountability starts.
And that is where leadership begins.